It happens that the problem is in the mood, but in some cases the help of a doctor is required.
It usually takes a few minutes for a man to reach orgasm. But sometimes the process, despite all efforts, is delayed or ejaculation does not happen at all.
From time to time, almost everyone faces such difficulties: only 25% of men can boast that they reach a peak with every sexual contact.
However, it also happens that there are no easy orgasms for a very long time or never happened at all. Then they talk about anorgasmia. A more complete medical name is delayed, or delayed, ejaculation. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) uses this definition of pathology: it is a noticeable delay or absence of ejaculation in almost all contacts (75-100%) for six months, which causes anxiety in a person.
All the mentioned criteria rarely coincide completely, so only about 8% of men make the diagnosis .
Anorgasmia is divided into primary and secondary. Primary arises from the first contact and continues throughout life. The secondary begins after some time of a normal sexual life.
Why sometimes men can’t cum
An orgasm is an intense emotional experience that is accompanied by muscle contractions, the release of chemicals into the bloodstream, and ejaculation. So anything can break at any stage.
It can be:
- problems in current relationships;
- fear of sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy;
- anxiety, depression and other disorders;
- abuse of pornography;
- upbringing in an environment where sex is something dirty and taboo.
Physical factors include:
- taking certain medications, such as antidepressants, drugs for high blood pressure, anticonvulsants;
- alcohol abuse;
- drug addiction;
- neurological diseases such as stroke, spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis;
- thrombosis of the vessels of the penis;
- complications after surgery, such as prostatectomy.
What you can do yourself if you have a problem with orgasms
Sexologist Vanessa Marin recommends adjusting your lifestyle and trying new things in bed.
Try to understand yourself
Ask yourself questions: Have you always had problems with orgasm or did it just start recently? Do they appear during sex with a certain partner? Or at some point in your life? Orgasm is difficult to achieve all the time or from time to time?
Quarrels and omissions in a couple, anxiety about everyday problems and failures at work affect all areas of a man’s life, including sexual.
So try to get rid of stress, solve problems in relationships and at work. If this is difficult to achieve on your own, see a therapist.
Rethink your habits
If you notice problems with orgasm the day after a noisy party, think about it. Alcohol and drugs can take away pleasure not only in the moment – they lead to long-term sexual dysfunction. So think about what is more important to you.
Experiment with masturbation
Especially if the problems appear only in sexual relations with a woman. The fact is that masturbation accustoms the body to a certain type of stimulation. If you’re always squeezing your penis tightly, using a particular technique, or watching porn , your body will adjust to your habits over time. As a result, you may become more indifferent to stimulations that are not part of your solo sexual menu.
Do not turn the process of self-satisfaction into a routine. Experiment and don’t masturbate in the same way at least half the time: squeeze your cock with different strengths, use both hands, invent new techniques, and periodically turn to your fantasy instead of watching porn. Don’t be afraid to share your masturbation preferences with your partner: incorporating manual stimulation into couples’ erotic games can shorten the path to orgasm.
Forget about stereotypes
There is a belief that women need foreplay and a certain mood to achieve orgasm, and men can get satisfaction always and everywhere, it would be with someone. It’s a bullshit. If a man does not finish, perhaps he lacks foreplay and a suitable mood.
There is another stereotype: they say, a man should have sex hard, intensely and for a long time. Those who believe this are too preoccupied with impressing a woman, and they completely forget about themselves. And in vain.
Get extra stimulation
Everyone needs some extra stimulation sometimes: an orgasm doesn’t come from nowhere. Ask your partner for oral sex or manual stimulation: in these moments you are not puzzled by how to impress a woman, but are focused on your pleasure. If you can’t achieve orgasm with traditional sex, experiment: create a mood with porn, use sex toys, watch yourself and your partner in the mirror, initiate role-playing games.
Remember that sex is not only what precedes orgasm, but also the reason why orgasm is so pleasant.
When to See a Doctor
Once you realize that delayed or no orgasms are a concern. It is impossible to say exactly how long sex is normal. So you have to rely on feelings. Be wary if sex is stressful or frustrating, or if you have to end the process not because of orgasm, but because of fatigue, physical discomfort, loss of erection, or at the request of a partner.
It is also worth talking to a doctor if you have any symptoms or diseases that may be associated with anorgasmia. Or if you are taking medication that could cause the problem.
First you need to visit a therapist. This will allow you to understand in which direction to move on.
The doctor will ask you about the problem in detail. After that, he will examine and evaluate the sensitivity of the genitals. If a problem of a physical nature is discovered, the therapist will refer to a urologist, and if not, to a psychologist or both at the same time.
Also, a man can be prescribed tests:
- on hormones – testosterone, prolactin, thyroid-stimulating (TSH);
- examination of urine for signs of infections or diseases of the genitourinary system;
How is anorgasmia treated in men?
There is no single medical way to solve the problem of anorgasmia. Usually, therapy is prescribed based on the cause of the disease.
With the help of drugs
So far, there are no specific drugs for anorgasmia. So they use the existing ones for other purposes. For example, these could be:
- agents for the treatment of Parkinson’s disease ;
- drugs that raise dopamine, based on cabergoline;
- antihistamines based on cyproheptadine;
- buspirone preparations.
Sometimes they help, sometimes they don’t.
If the cause is a side effect of medications you are already taking, your doctor may recommend changing the medication or reducing the dosage.
Treatment of psychological problems is carried out in different formats:
- Individual therapy for depression, anxiety disorder or other diseases.
- Family counseling for couples.
- Talking couples therapy to treat some sexual difficulties.
With the help of assisted reproductive technologies
In addition to psychological problems, delayed ejaculation can lead to infertility. To overcome this, a doctor may recommend assisted reproductive technologies. For example, sperm can be extracted with instruments and used for fertilization.